Because sometimes pretending to own a dog is the only way to keep your job. (Originally published in Monkeybicycle.)

Because the link between friendship and violence is oddly relatable. (Originally published as part of Esquire’s Napkin Fiction project.)

Because it’s bewildering how the crowd gets to define what talent looks like. (Winner of the 2015 Himan Brown award.)

Because long before Between Two Ferns, Zach Galifiankis was willing to talk to me. (Originally published by Punchline.)

Because Shawn McBride wrote bombastic opening sentences to 40 million would-be novels. (Originally published the Philadelphia City Paper.)

Because humorist Joe Queenan missed a doctor’s appointment for this. (Originally published by the Bucks County Writer.)

Because James McBride called out the horror of production-line journalism. (Originally published by the Bucks County Writer.)

Because sometimes being broke in New York calls for cognac and self-disqualification. (Originally published by fwriction : review.)

Because it’s helpful to accept that affection often springs from the limitations of our own mind. (Originally published by Legends.)

Because while sexual identity should be left to the individual, decency should be universal. (Originally published by Nerve.)